my weird bodily ecosystem (aka my uterus) wants to tell me something

So this morning I went in for my saline-sonogram. DH was meeting me there from work, so my sweet friend took me to the appointment, so I could chat and relax, and pop a pill! I took 800mg of Motrin as told an hour before the apt. I also had the good fortune of finding one single tablet of Adivan (left over from my transfer in April). date to discard wasnt until April 2011, so it was still good.
When I got there, I had to give a urine sample (for pregnancy test....aha haha...still makes me laugh each time, but oh well, give em what they want, right?). I couldnt do it! I had peed before I left the house 25 mins ealier but had been drinking my tea, and I still couldnt go. So I tried three times and finally (after sitting with my hand under running water) got enough dribble for them to stick the pg test stick into it. The nurse said 'dont worry about it, it was plenty!" so I said "just enough to get a no!"...hahah...nervous laugh quietly fades to silence.

well as they all do, it sucked! I just hate the balloon being blown up, feels like someone just took my uterus threw in some pins, and trying to ring it out like a wet towel! It was ok though. DH was there to hold my hand and I just took some deep breaths. It was fine until she said 'whats that?'....so of course there is something floating around! DH was annoyed that the machine couldnt show blood flo, as some machines can....to see if its scaring, or maybe tissue got kicked off when the cath went in. I am not sure that would change me having to have it taken out, but either way, we need it out. Then I lost it as I knew what was coming next...another frickin hysteroscopy. The last one we tried first in the office and I almost kicked my RE in the head. I only missed because I was on percacet, adivan and something else! I ended up having it done in the hospital. So she knew thats why I was upset. She said it will be done at the hospital again this time.

I have been feeling kicked in the gut all day, and trying to find that inner strength to dust myself off and get on with it. I have been feeling like this all week, so today just tipped the scale.

So now I am back in my office working, and just waiting to hear from the nurse, if he can do it tomorrow or if I should start BCPs and we will try for next week or two weeks after that (as I have my reunion). Crap! I really didnt plan it into my week, but also dont want to push back my cycle too far. I am not sure if we do it tomorrow, if I will just continue as is on this cycle ....starting estrace on the 13th. I guess I will find out later. It feels like a jammy day...dark, windy, rain...want to go to bed!

“The rocky road to recovery has some potholes.” Ned Riley