All I want for Christmas....

Well Christmas is almost here...and I am welcoming it earlier this year and so excited for it. This year is, well...lets just say, I feel like the hype of 2010 was not that shocking. I entered with low expectations, and will be leaving it with the same feeling. I do however have bigger expectations for 2011 and will party my way towards it from now until then!

All I want for Christmas.... Well its the same thing I have wanted for the past 7 of them! a BABY, is that too hard to ask for. A puppy is fine too :)

We are having our annual holiday party, early this year. We have everyone bring a toy and we donate them to our local social services, so that kids in our community recieve them directly. THis will be our 12th year doing it, and its always a GREAT time! Last year we had to kick the die hards out at 2am! (hey, thats late for us nowadays!).

“Heap on more wood! the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, We'll keep our Christmas merry still.”  Sir Walter Scott

a time for thanks

Facebook is inundated with comments about posting what you are thankful for at this time of year. I know its a good reminder, but wish people would be more thankful on an every day basis...myself included. This is a hard concept in our society...to just be happy with what we have, and not to be upset about what we dont have. I have worked so hard this past year on that with regards to my IF.

I am so grateful for my beautiful son, who I naively conceived with no trouble; I am so grateful for my girls on my chat board who have supported me every step of the way this year; for my friends and sister who are patient with not asking me every detail, yet listening when I want to share. I am so grateful for my dear husband who wants me to be pregnant as he knows it would make me happy, and he's in the 'field' so wants me to come through the office for that reason not to bring ds to visit Dad. I am thankful for Dr H our RE for having hope when honestly the chances are slim. I hope you all have a Happy Thankgiving. Look around...there is probably lots to be thankful for!

“He who thanks but with the lips Thanks but in part; The full, the true Thanksgiving Comes from the heart” – Author Unknown

a new phase and a happy 2011?

Well the sono went better than any other. Of course slightly uncomfortable, but definitely not as bad as other times, which is great! The valium helped (and its usually that is the first thing to go out the window with these things), and I said a prayer to god, the universe, and anyone who was listening. Did some meditation, and my hubby talked to my lining, ha ha! Then it was time for a date with the dildo-cam, as well as a catheter being pushed through my cervix. Just another Wednesday morning. (I really think Wednesday is becoming the new Monday).

So my lining was a 6.5, woo hoo, thats awesome for me!! (i know pathetic on most people's scale), the shape looked great (ooh la la!), and....drum roll please, I have two follies (16 and 18) on my left side. Now if they can just hold out and grow a little more and pop on day 14 instead of today, we might have something to talk about! Baby dance going on over here :)

So its a go people, IVF #5 will commence after the holidays (cant fit it in now before lab closes for xmas), and its crazy times for us between now and mid Jan. So all is well. Hoping for a brilliant 2011!!!

come on uterus, show us some beauty!

sweaty palms...off to have my saline sono. and off to find that valium...

A fathers story

So much of this journey is from our eyes...the mother (to be), and the guys just seem to sit on the side lines. We want them to try to understand and they try, but how can they truly know. But they do go through their own journey and we need to listen to them too. I just read this wonderful story on Oprah.com that I wanted to share.

A Father's Story: Mourning the Baby We Never Had

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Men-and-Miscarriage-Mourning-After-Losing-a-Baby


"Thirteen weeks later, we see the color flee from the face of our ob-gyn, and he tells us that this being was not meant to be." Allan Wallach

anyone got a Magic 8 ball? ...that works?

wow. has been so long. Had a crazy thinking session in the shower today...that we should hold off on another cycle and just put in our frozen emby and be done with it. Its sitting doing nothing, but getting frost bite! Hmmm. Will the next cycle be 'the one'? is the frozen one 'the one' who knows. Ugh, wish I had a magic 8 ball that really worked. Mine is cracked.

“Today of all days I should have brought in my Magic 8 ball.”  John Paul