Saturday, February 26, 2011

Day 5 it is, why am I not more happy?

Finally they called!
Of course I was at some loud place with bounce houses (had to get out of the house, was going crazy!), so I called back to make sure I heard the message correctly, as I didnt hear the phone ring.

So 3 of the 5 divided! The other 2 are hanging out and she said they might be slow, but they should have divided by now. I asked what the 3 looked like. She said they arent picture perfect, they are fair. She said she thinks they were calling them grades 2 and 3 (but I cant remember what she said as far as how many of the 3 were which). So they will keep an eye on all 5, but that they are going for day 5!

HOLY CRAP! I am so nervous. I asked why if they arent picture perfect are we going for day 5, and she said its because of the blast.

I guess a 6 day blast carries way more weight than any embryo we are going to get in this batch...from our history. So they are going to assume the blast will do well and hope that we get some others out of this batch.

I am not sure how I feel about it all. I thought if I heard I was going for day 5 I would be bouncing off the walls celebrating, but its bitter sweet, as its not because the cycle is great that we are doing it that way. Oh well, I have to have faith that whatever is meant to come out of this, will. I know it will be fine.
I know this will be great, but now having those thoughts of failure entering my head. UGH!
Tuesday, cant come quickly enough! Oh, wait, now I have to go pick up frosty and take her to her new home, well temporary until the permanent homeof my Uterus!

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”  Martin Luther King, Jr.

Patience is a virtue

So I am waiting to hear if any made it and whether it will be day 3 or 5 transfer. The other curve ball is that my RE is now thinking that if we make it to day 5, we will get frosty from clinic #1 and throw it in with anything else we have. That is so weird. That embryo has been sitting in freezing for the past two years. Every time I pass our old clinic on the highway, I wave. I know crazy, but its there, its alive and as long as we dont move it, noone can take that 'baby' away from me. Really gives me a whole appreciation of life from the early celular days.
If we do decide to use it, I will have to drive all over the state. Clinic #1 is an hour to the east of us and clinic #2 is an hour south of us. Also, I would need to pick up the container at clinic #2 first, drive to Clinic #1 and then back to #2, then home. Oh well, its what we do to have a baby, right!

Apparently there is some bad weather coming in tonight and again on Monday, so DH is worried about me driving around on Monday (it will be 3-4 hrs round trip! including the pick up and drop off paper work etc). Today is Saturday, and I have tried calling clinic #1 to see if maybe we can pick it up today/tomorrow instead, and of course they arent there on the weekends. I wish DH had thrown this idea at me before 7pm last night. But there has to be someone there doing ERs and ETs, right? I need to get back to the phone to try and dig my way in. Its like fort knox at medical offices on the weekend. There are secret back lines but then sometimes those go to voicemail, I want the phone that is hanging on the wall in the lab. How do I get to that phone?

back to the wait.....
come on embabies!!!!!

"We can't wait for someone else. We have to take the initiative. The world is changing, and we all have to change along with it.”  Milton Smith

Friday, February 25, 2011

Fert report

Just got the call. Out of 7 eggs, 5 of them were mature, all had ICSI, and guess what....ALL fertilized!!! yay, yippee!! So excited. Tired, but excited.

what a week!

wow, havent been on all week and so much to catch up on....

So here is how my cycle has gone so far...

2/9 - CD 1 - contine estrace/DHEA/vitamin E/Trental
2/10 - u/s & b/w - good to go!
2/12 - start LL (20 iu evening)
2/13 - LL (20 iu AM / PM); start dexamethasone (1/2 tab); start stims (follistim-375; menopur)
2/14 - end estrace
2/16 - u/s & b/w - lining - 6 type 1!!
2/18 - u/s b/w - lining - 7 (follies, ranging 8-13)./ DH starting doxy
2/20 - u/s & b/w - lining - 7 (about 6 follies - 4 ranging 10-13, 15, 16
2/21 - u/s b/w - Lining - 7.96 almost an 8! (RO - 12. 13. 15. 19 / LO - 11. 13. 16)
2/22 - u/s & b/w - lining - 9!! HOLY COW!!! follies - (and a couple of 14s). TRIGGER!! stop stims, lupron, Dexamethasone.
2/23 - b/w; stop trental, continue DHEA, vitamin e, baby aspirin until beta.
2/24 - ER - 7 eggs!

My retrieval went well and I felt surprisingly good yesterday considering some of them have not been too pretty afterwards. DH was nervous as one time (at my old clinic) I think my 2nd or 3rd cycle, I passed out in the elevator on the way out. The nurse was with me and took me back up, my HR was REALLY low, so I ended up with blood work to check for internal bleeding. I couldnt leave. Every time I stood up, my bp and hr dropped so much. DH had to go to work and called a friend to pick up me. I was there an extra 4 hours! Actually it was the day Obama was sworn in, so much have been January I remember the nurses talking about it. ah good times, good times! So now i just sit and wait and hope that those eggies get along with the spemies and create some good embryos!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

started stims and follies looking great and lining was a 7. Going back in tomorrow!

Sunday, February 13, 2011


Just found out on FB that a friend is HUGELY preggers...and didnt tell me. Wind knocked out. Not sure if its because I havent seen her in ages, or if she avoided telling me. Wouldnt be the first I guess. Its funny...they tell me for the first, as I have one, but the second...they literally give birth before telling me.

speechless.... feel like crying. Ugh, think its the LL. Stop it. Your time will come!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Day 1, 2 , and 3 and we're off!

Omg its here' my cycles starting!
Aunty flo, god bless her...the biotch that she is, showed up early on Wednesday. I was really disappointed at first, but then thought, no, this is good...get started early and be done before the fundraising event that i am planning which is a month away!
So I went for a date with the dildo cam on thursday (day 2) and things look great!
My lining was ok, but Dr H said that that he wasn't going to bore me with details...not sure what that means! But he said it was a 5 type 3, which isn't great. Well the 5 is good, actually for me it's GREAT for being only day 2. The type 3 is the worst for the quality, but it's still early. So all in all that's good, we are ready yippee!!
Day 3 was Friday, and now here we are on day 4, Saturday....Let the loopy train pull up. Yep started Lupron tonight. Did my shot like a champ and now i have a ticket and waiting at the station...stims start tomorrow. Toot toot!!

“We were diagnosed with 'unexplained infertility,' which sounds good in one respect, but on the other hand you almost want something wrong so there is a problem so you can fix it.”  Cindy Margolis

Monday, February 7, 2011

refreshed, renewed and new meds!

I just got back from a fabulous weekend visiting a girlfriend from collge...who I havent seen in ages! Lets just say the Windy City is awesome! I also had the pleasure of meeting up with two lovely ladies from an IF foum I have lived on for almost a year, and holy cow...that was truly incredible! It was like we had known each other for years. I was so excited when I learned I would be within an hour from both of them that we could make this up!

So after the exicting weekend I came home to a HUGE box. Yep, meds are in, its all becoming real. For some reason I still just have this laid back approach to this cycle. Not sure if I am truly relaxed and this is just the real me coming out, or if I am really not caring about this cycle. Weird.

I was thinking the other day that we live in an amazing world where medicine can help you have a baby. Well some of us. There are millions of people in the same boat as me...needing help, but many of us it doesnt work. Why is that? In a world where a man can go on the moon, scientists are making medicines that at one point would have been seen as impossible, and technology is beyond out wildest dreams... some of us cant do what is supposed to be inately human - breed. Maybe we are a dying species as far as breeding goes? what, ha ha, no...otherwise god wouldnt have made REs, Lupron and Follistim!

We are putting careers and other things ahead of family, but that shouldnt stop us from getting there eventually, right? Well either way, I think Halle Berry nailed it on the head in this quote:

“Nature has got it all wrong: When you are younger, it should be harder to get pregnant, and as you get older it should be easier. When you are so ready, you can’t do it to save your life. And when you are 21, you are so not ready, but you are ripe as could be. The eggs should become more developed the older you get, not die slowly from the day you’re born. That’s one thing God got wrong.”Halle Berry

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

sticks and eggs...

I had a dream last night that I just found out I was pregnant! That is the second time EVER that I have dreamt I was pg, the last time was in Oct...and I wasnt, so I guess I shouldnt think anything into it. Although it might mean that my cycle coming up will be successful; it WILL be successful! It was so real and I swear I woke up smiling :)

Not sure why, but I decided to do O sticks last week, and of course when I started peeing on them it had already changed. I dont know if it stays dark (the second line to show a surge) until you ovulate, or whether it sticks around until way after? Should probably know that after the hundreds of dollars I have spent on them. So we did the dead and actually had fun and romance doing it. That probably makes a difference, right? I wonder if the quality of sex makes a difference to whether you conceive or not? not that we arent happy when 'doing it' but there is a difference between, baby making sex, making love and crazy sex.... which is the best for getting those sperm to meet my egg and them getting it on, I mean we need to set the mood for you ? Just as I am skeptical of how people can decide the sex of their baby by the position or day...I am probably not joining the bandwagon on this one either. But having said that, stress is always posted as a factor in infertility, and I swear I am shocked by the amount of people who say 'oh my god, I was so drunk and got pregnant'...well that doesnt work for me; tried it.

I found this article, which is wrong in so many ways...1. Invitro does NOT determine the sex of your baby. Yes, there is a test which many infertile couples do to figure out what might be chromosomally wrong with their embryos and yes, they can see the sex of the embie through that process. But I am thinking most people forking out $19,000 as you have quoted, are not caring the sex, they just want a baby! Maybe it was just written that way, but if you are going to speak about these things, do your homework and report the entirety of your thought. and 2. - having sex 3 days prior to Ovulating does not definitely give you a girl. I had sex on a tuesday, ovulated on friday and ended up with a beautiful bouncy boy.
And what does this mean? "Then you stop until the last day of your next period" ...uh ok.

here you can read it -

So back to me and my sticks and eggs...
We had lots of good sex last week :) and now I am crampy. Of course this doesnt mean anything, but I am using the power of positive thinking to make it work. Ha ha!! wouldnt that be fabulous if it were that simple!

In prep for IVF #5 I went in for b/w yesterday to make sure I have ovulated, which of course I had, so last night I started estrace. 2 mg twice a day. Woo hoo, the count down begins!

happy snow day to those in the 'belt' that is lashing the country today/tomorrow.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones....."