Thursday, August 4, 2011

coming unstuck

Wow, its been two months since I last wrote anything on here, and how things change in two months.
Its not easy to take a break from IF, unless you are forced to...and that we were.

Shortly after my last post we went on a cruise with family and friends. It was SO needed and was the perfect trip for that specific timing. It was so gorgeous to be sitting on the deck of our room and not to see anything but blue, but also to be able to go dancing, gambling, eating and drinking, all day and night...was quite the distraction. We snorkled with turtles, ds got to sail a catamaran (he also won $50 at bingo!), and I got to spend time with my sister who I miss so much. After being home for a week I was given the most amazing (and surprising) 40th birthday ever by my sweet dh... He kicked me out the morning of my bday for lunch, wine tasting and spa day with some close girlfriends, only to return home and see my family and closest friends (from coast to coast) all standing in my back yard. This is what life is about! It was magical!

The past seven years didnt come into my mind that entire two weeks. It was so refreshing! We then enjoyed some more family time with my ILs and have been enjoying our beach and pool club. I picked up a tennis raquet for the first time in ages and didnt do too badly. I have been reading a book to assist me in starting my business plan for a business which I dream about, but I have been stuck and not able to move forward with it.

I guess my mind has been reset; I have become unstuck.

I cant believe it, i never thought it would be. Its been two months of emerging myself in family, friends and life, without any dr appointments, needles, pills (well I am still taking vitamin d and need to start a multivitamin), but its been so nice to have a true break. I have realized that those times inbetween cycles when we said 'we are taking a break' werent really that. The stress was still there, I still counted days in my head when we were having sex, and felt heartbroken when Flo showed up. These are hard habits to break.

I have had my period I think three times since our last cycle and can honestly tell you I dont know what day I am on today. Yep, for the first time in all these years I am not counting days.

Now, dont get me wrong. My desire to expand our family has not changed. I am just as motivated, if not more to complete our family...but I think knowing that my body doesnt have to endure any more makes it less stressful. I have collected some info about some adoption agencies, but we havent called any of them or filled out paperwork. That is our project for next week (ds is going to his grandparents for 2 weeks and we will join him the 2nd week, so I am home alone for a week!). Its time to get cracking. I am happy to be back, but the focus of how we are getting there will shift.


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