Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dumpster Diving!

(I wrote this last night and forgot to post...)

Hands up if you have ever gone back into the trash for a hpt hours after you peed on it?

Well I did it today. No I am not proud and not sure why or what I was thinking would be different. I mean it was definitely a bfn when I peed on it at 8am. But I suddenly had this desire to look at it again. Because maybe it had changed late?! and when I looked I thought I saw something, a really faint, broken, skinny line. Could it be? omg omg omg. I only had one stick left that I was planning on using tomorrow morning before beta, but I couldnt let this go and I had to go to the store anyway, so decided to buy another pack (sucker!). I did a bunch of errands and had waited as long as I could without peeing, so I really needed to go. I raced home, ran in the house, literally started opening the box while I was running upstairs (ignoring the weird look I got from dh and ds who were on the couch watching a game, I didnt care, my life was about to change forever!), and then held it some more while I took off the cap and got ready. ahhhhhhh, relief. I didnt wait, I watched. I watched for 5 minutes. Had a cry and thew the stick in the trash can. 

Really? Why did I see something on that earlier? could they both be wrong? I did buy a different brand. Maybe that isnt as sensitive? but it says 'even more sensitive' on the box! Maybe I didnt see anything on the other one. So I found that old stick from this mornig (yes I went dumpster diving twice today) and it was still there, really faint, but there. Then I googled and this is what I found - http://www.peeonastick.com/hptfaq.html#7
Its an evaporation line. Fan-friggin-tastic!
UGH. I was all fine to be done and know it was over, and then got my hopes up again. AARRHH this sucks, those sticks mess with your head!

I cant tell you how much money and time I have spent on pee-sticks. Some to see if I was about to ovulate and others were to see if I had infact beat the odds and got pregnant. I should have taken out stock in First Response or ClearBlue. It took me a couple of years into the ovulation sticks to realize they sold them in bulk at Costco, nice! I did them during four rounds of IUIs in 2005 and 2006, then after a failed pg in 2007.
I didnt really need them, I knew exactly when I was ovulating. But as I wasnt getting pregnant, maybe I didnt really know when the eggie was coming and still bought them anyway. 100s of dollars later, I still have a pack of half used ones in my cupboard from last year when we took a break from IVF to try naturally again. Not sure why I bought them or why I still have them, but they will become part of the decluttering of IF parafanalia that wll ensue tomorrow after I hear my beta results.

I also didnt know until I joined a fertility forum last year that you could buy pg tests online in bulk. Actually until I joined the forum it didnt dawn on me to 'cheat' before my beta on my previous 3 cycles. I had found a need to buy them on other oaccasions, when I could have sworn I was pg. but it proved nothing and Aunty Flo would always show up.  cycle 4 and 5 I only did it on the day of beta and I have to say it really helped soften the blow. It was still crappy to hear, as there was part of me that knew those sticks can be wrong, but it did dampen the sting slightly.
cyle 6 - my last (this one) I became a member of the POAS club. Not that it made it more fun, as they have all been bfn, it just made me realize sooner than tomorrow that it was over and to give up. The fall will not be as hard this time.

They are mean things, those pee sticks.
Sure they bring many people much joy. Hey, I had one turn positive in 2001 when we found out we were pg with ds. That seems so foreign now. I dont know that I know what that feels like. OMG, I might actually still have the stick, I should go look for it. Ok, that would be seriously insane, but I think it went into a memory box, which honestly I havent looked at since I was pg with him. Haha, that would be funny (nutcase!). Ok, I will go looking tomorrow. Hey maybe if I find it and it still says 'prenant' (yes I had to have one that said it!), I can look at that until my nurse calls to burst my bubble!

One time I waited to pee all afternoon, to really brew up strong urine (as you know that would make me pg, right?) and as I was about to pee on it, I dropped it in the toilet! OMG, are you f;ing kidding. Why didnt you grab another one you say? because it was the only one I had :)

I am sure you have had your own funny pee-stick stories, I would love to hear them!

off to pee on another stick. ggrrrr. Good night!

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