Friday, October 8, 2010

drama queen that is my Uterus!

Ugh, the f;ing drama of my uterus continues.

I had the hysteroscopy yesterday. Took some adivan and valium on the way (sounding like a druggie now, but seriously you have to get through it somehow), and felt great when I got there (almost walked sideways to the door!). Then got all prepped and went in. Next thing I am out and its done. Or so I thought.... I had to have DH repeat it all to me last night when he got home from work, as I couldnt believe in my post-sedated state that I heard correctly. So it seems that Dr H went in and got the little piece of scar tissue out (it was scar tissue, so I am glad we did it as it woudlnt have come out with AF). Then he went looking around for diagnostics. Well, he came across a large patch of scaring at the top of my uterus (I told you it has its own life force in there), which was almost like a portion of the top (between the tubes) had been pinched in to form a bit hanging down. So he cut at it to losen and basically took it all off.

So now I wait for AF, THEN he wants to re-do the saline sono or he will just re-do the hysteroscopy. HOLY CRAP. do you know how long all of that is going to take? I probably wont get AF for another two weeks (as I am mid-cycle and only on BCPs for 5 days), then its another basically 6 weeks?

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock.....

The other thing that happened was I got really bloated yesterday and by the time I went to bed my tummy was killing me (I had gained 12lbs over the course of the day!), so thought if it hadnt gone in the AM (I was back to only 7lbs over my normal weight this am), that I would call. So I went in this afternoon and one of the REs confirmed that I have lots of fluid so its probably just going everywhere, and the pain (which feels like I pulled all muscles in my tummy) is from everything stretching out. I had a minor break down in the room. She said 'whats wrong' and I said 'its just one of those days, its ok, its nothing' and she said 'its ok, tell us about your day' Really? You really want me to tell you about my day. Ok, here goes. so I said 'well it started when I went to take my cat to the vet for what I thought was a urinary tract infection and he peed all over me when I was putting him in the carrier' and then... She said 'oh its hard to have a sick pet'...and what i thought was 'you idiot, its not about the frickin cat...its just that its been 6 years of this crap and I am so tired of it, and I just want to go back to my life and have a bit of simple for once.'

So I am just having a down week. I feel another piece of me chipped away and not sure I can do much more. I cant believe I just create scar tissue the way I do, and wonder if this is just a sign to quit.


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