Wednesday, March 9, 2011

the up down and all around is making me tired

the emotional rollercoaster that is....

whoa, its been a week since I have posted, really have had so much to say, but have said it in other places, mostly on my forum, which I couldnt live without, especially not now.

So the big question of the week was to POAS or NOT. I have only done it once on the last cycle the morning of beta and was almost glad I had a heads up, even thought the news seem to strike me like lightning.
So I caved. I did it. I cant believe it. I was having a crap day and thought, well I know I am preggers, so what better way to bring myself up than to see those lines. Well that was the wrong thing to do. It was BFN, shit!  :(

I have been trying so hard ever since to keep my chin up and realize that maybe its too early. Poor hubby came home this morning and did his daily kiss on my tummy. and said 'only one more day'! I didnt have the heart to tell him. He would be really upset with me anyway that I did it before beta day.
So now I dont have a stick for tomorrow am and hoping that going out to do my blood early enough will make him forget that I was going to POAS tomorrow morning.

Thats all. I am feeling deflated already and preparing for the shittiest day tomorrow. CRAP I really thought that frozen embroy that I waved to for two years, was our baby. I really thought this was it. But now I have nothing, but another carrot dangling, another frozen embryo. Maybe that one is 'the one' ha, who am I kidding.

A friend of mine who has gone through many of the same journey called and said that she had just seen an article on a drugy getting pg so easily and said 'you know if she gets pg just like that and lives that life, and I cant get pg in 8 years and have done everything right to prep my body, I think its telling me something." Yeah maybe shes right. I saw someone post a quote on facebook which pretty much sums it up...ugh enough is enough!

"The true definition of madness is repeating the same action, over and over, hoping for a different result." - Albert Einstein

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