Saturday, September 18, 2010

thoughts and prayers

Ok, so the mental challenge of the weekend is to think I dont have a problem with my back and the pain should go away...well that is per Dr Whats-his-name who wrote the book I am reading. Maybe that will work for getting pregnant? I have literally tried everthing over the past 6 years to TTC#2, so positive thinking is my last ditch effort. I try to talk to the 'universe' atleast once a day, and do pray to God too...although I am so on and off with him, as I havent been to church in so long that I feel I dont have the right to ask him for favours. Well, we are going tomorrow, so maybe then I can. Yep I am always talking to 'someone' out there. I am the wacky lady in the car talking to herself at the light, although these days most people do that as they are 'hands free' on the phone. So I can blend my wackyness in nicely ;)

One day I was having one of my talks and DS said "Mum, you are doing it again"..."what I said" almost annoyed that I had been caught jabbering away infront of my elementary school-aged-child. "You are doing that 'please just this time could ya throw me a frickin bone' thing! Oh Crap...bad word,. ugh, double crap.

Positive thinking and knowing that the universe (and God) isnt against us is a hard lesson learned on this infertile road. I guess its hard on any road as we pass and fail the tests that are given to us. Joking aside I do take my thoughts and prayers seriously and know that God is listening. He might not be doing what I ask...but maybe what I think is best, is not what he thinks is best. But back to positive thinking. When you smile at someone they often smile back (probably more often than not). Try it sometime!
Off to garden, I need to be one with some dirt. Getting back to the earth is supposed to be good for fertility. Someone said that somewhere.

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